Parental Risk Assessments

I recently wrote about how skateboarding taught me a measure of resilience that I don’t necessarily see in my kids. They simply have a different relationship to risky activities. As I hinted at in the post, there are upsides to this from a parental concern perspective. It’s just hard to know where that line between risk and benefit should be drawn.

I used boogie boarding as an example in the post. When I brought up my thoughts with a friend, he relayed an anecdote in which a colleague was thrown by a wave while boogie boarding, hit his head, and subsequently died. Given his personal experience, he wasn’t too bullish on ocean sports. I told him that my sons were not really into them because of their overall risk aversion. They never even learned to ride bikes because they were so concerned about injury. My friend thought that was taking it a bit too far and that kids should embrace the bicycle.

When you think about it, though, biking is probably fraught with more danger than riding waves on your board during your once-a-year vacation. You don’t have to worry about the treachery of the ocean, but you surely need to watch out for the automobiles that dominate the streets. Even without the urban planning that conspires against the cyclist, there are plenty of ways to injure yourself on a bike. We usually accept those concerns, though. In fact, Erin Sagen recently wrote for The Atlantic about what children have lost by giving up the bike rides around the neighborhood that used to be ubiquitous.

The thought of their kids traveling solo might get some parents wringing their hands, and for good reason. Biking can be risky, and finding an appropriate place to practice can be tricky in the city or in the suburbs. But if parents can find safe environments for teaching their children to navigate streets confidently on their own, the amount of freedom those kids will gain is invaluable. On a bike, a child gets to choose where to go and how to get there without having to check in with a parent, which lets them practice making decisions. As they ride more, the activity can even start to rewire their brain, helping them form spatial maps of their neighborhood and develop the kind of competence and knowledge that can seed lasting resilience and self-esteem.

It is well established by now that kids are less resilient and able to function independently than those in the past. There seems to be a sweet spot where the tradeoff between risk and preparation for the challenges of life meet and make sense. As a parent, I feel like searching for that place is half the battle.